They're good for you, you bastard
A few years ago I made the acquaintance of a man who seemed to be insufferably arrogant. On the first few occasions that we met, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, hoping that his haughtiness was just a front which would dissolve once we got to know each other a little better.
I can remember the exact moment when I realised that my first, negative impression had unfortunately been spot-on. A few of us had met up for dinner one night. When it came time for the person in question to order, his tone towards the waitress confirmed irrevocably for me that he was a tit. It was not that he was outright rude, it was just his overall air of majesterial importance which rankled.
If you are being polite you don't literally "order" food at a restaurant, you request it. "Can I have...", "Could I get...", it's a question. Not for this guy though. No "please" no "thank you" just a curt statement: "I'll have X". The menu was then handed back with all the dismissiveness he could muster, as if he had already wasted enough of his oh-so-precious time on this non-entity of a woman.
Since then, I've considered going out for a meal with someone new to be a great way of getting the measure of them. If they're polite to the waiting staff, they could be dead on. But If they're short and abrupt when ordering, it's certain they're a wanker.
I'm not claiming to be the epitome of good manners myself (like most Irishmen, I've been known to utter the odd naughty word) but for someone my age, I think I'm quite polite. Thanks to constant parental instruction I always say "please" and "thank you". When I'm sitting on a crowded bus, it usually occurs to me to give up my seat.
I'm not obsessed with good manners, but I do think they are important. There's always been this stereotype that someone with good manners is somehow conservative. I don't understand why this should be so. There's nothing leftist about being rude. Manners are fundamentally about treating those around you respectfully and are hence inherently social. Politeness is a good riposte to the far right "me, me, me" mentality.
One of the good things about living in South Korea is the high levle of civility on display. Koreans are polite above and beyond the call of duty, remainig civil long after a foreigner's drunkenness/stupidity have justified a few harsh words. They also have an etiquette of their own. Things which are considered unremarkable in the West, like using one hand to give something to a person, can in some contexts be considered rude over here. Luckily, we wae-gug-in are not expected to be aware of all the rules.
One aspect of Korean etiquette I had anticipated not liking though was the bowing. I don't like the idea that I have to bow to someone just because they're above me in the Confucian pecking order. But I do like the fact that in Korea, everyone bows to everyone else. When you go into a corner shop in Seoul, you bow slightly and say hello to the person behind the till who returns the gesture.
It seems to me that these little routines of acknowledgment are part of the reason why Korea is such a socially cohesive place. Seoul is a city of 12 million people, a metropolis of quite staggering proportions. Yet you can walk any street of this city, at any time of night, without trepidation. There are many reasons for Korea's low crime rate but I think that the level of courtesy, or perhaps the mentality which underlies it, is an important ingredient.